Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize