just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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