dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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