Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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