I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We need to get me chipped asap
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
