i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
