I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
