Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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