where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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