yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
