You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
