and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ugly people sure do ruin things
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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