So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
