he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
God I need to hump something, right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
