Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
