I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
