His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
