I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
