so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
