I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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