so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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