in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
