He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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