Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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