I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
