I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
