Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
