she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
