White coat. Heels.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
