Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize