how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
