At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
