Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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