its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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