apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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