Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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