So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there was a trapeze. enough said
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All the doctor said was why
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
