Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
