I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
