How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
