I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Two words: nipple clamps
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