i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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