Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
