I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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