physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize