That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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