Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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