i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
