After last night, I could never be a politician.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
