You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize