i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Couch. On fire.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
