I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
