We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
