Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
do nipples grow back?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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