I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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