I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
