His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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