i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
