I could have mohawked her pubes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
