i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
