Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize