i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
