she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
